Category: philosophy

FAQ #3: Doesn’t it hurt?

I expect this to be a controversial post. Not only because opinions will vary, but because the definition of pain itself is vastly different among different people – especially among people engaged in kink. There are sexual practices that are enjoyable (to some) despite of the pain, and there are sexual practices that are enjoyable…


Fetish Versus Kink: A Kinkster’s Perspective

Fetish and kink – how do you use these words? For many people they seem to be interchangeable. When it comes to terminology, however, interchangeable essentially means redundant. In this post I describe the way that I personally use these terms. I am suggesting a distinction that I think makes both of these terms useful…


What does the top get out of it?

I get this question all the time: Why would you even want to do this? What do you get out of fisting guys? Does it actually “feel good”? I have had a lot of time to think about this, obviously. While you may not have, I think that the fact that you are on this…


Can you be a good top if you don’t bottom?

“I only play with versatile guys. You can’t be a good top if you don’t bottom.” If you are in the fisting scene long enough, you are bound to hear this at some point. You might even come to believe this. You are probably already guessing my opinion on this. But if you want to…


Every bottom is a planet

Back in my academic days, a criticism professor told me to look at every work of art as a new planet: unique, self-contained, unexplored. I do not know how much astrology she actually knew, but the metaphor was well chosen. A planet has its own gravity, its own atmosphere, its own day and night cycle,…


The fisting stigma

Something that has bothered me with fisting and the people into it is the shame and secrecy surrounding it. I’m talking about anal fisting among gay men specifically, and the stigma and shame¬†within¬†the gay community. Of course I don’t expect anyone to be discussing their fisting practices with their family or coworkers, but I’m talking…


The art, the sport, and the science

I thought it would make sense to start by sharing my perspective on what fisting actually is and what it means to me, before I delve on how I got to where I am. Of course this is highly personal. Depending on where you situate fisting within the larger world of BDSM, kink, and sex,…