I thought it would make sense to start by sharing my perspective on what fisting actually is and what it means to me, before I delve on how I got to where I am. Of course this is highly personal. Depending on where you situate fisting within the larger world of BDSM, kink, and sex, you might recognise what I’m talking about – or not. If you see fisting as a form of sadism, if you think being fisted is a punishment or a humiliation, you will probably not get where I’m coming from. But if you see fisting as a source of physical pleasure, then you might recognise some of what I’m saying.

So, what do I mean when I say that fisting is an art, a sport, and a science? Well to be more precise what I say is this:

Fisting is an art for the top, a sport for the bottom, and a science for both.

I guess it makes sense to tackle this one by one.

The art: Fisting, from the top’s perspective, requires passion, creativity, and generosity. It consists of ongoing ex.There are techniques to be mastered, “schools” of thought, and of course a sensitivity for the “material” – in this case, the bottom. Like the artist, the fister treats every new piece of work as a unique challenge, knowing that the type of art that will emerge doesn’t depend only on him but on the nature of the canvas, or perhaps more appropriately the clay, that he’s working with. I know I’m mixing my metaphors here, but to me fisting shares aspect with almost every art form out there. Of course there is an element of performance, especially when you are talking about playing in public, but even when in a pair. A very good fister I know who organises parties across Europe (I’ve heard him described as a “fisting activist”) looks like a ballet dancer when he’s fisting. Attention to detail, patience, openness, adaptability, these are all valuable qualities. Fisting is an art rather than a science (though it is also a science, more on that later) because it is imprecise – it can’t be learned from a book because there is no magic formula. I get a lot of questions about fisting that are impossible to answer with anything except “It depends on the bottom”. “How many sessions will it take before I am open enough to take a whole fist?” is a good example – I can only answer it after we reached that point.

The sport: Now, for the bottom. Fisting is much more physically demanding for the bottom than for the top – this should be obvious. Unfortunately for us tops, even extreme punching hardly counts as exercise. But for the bottom, it requires exactly what any other sport does: frequent practice, usually not only on “competition” days but also on one’s own, especially at the start, attention to nutrition, recovery time, awareness of one’s physical limits, and of course endurance, and the desire to stretch one’s limits. This is why I refuse to associate fisting with kinks like humuliation, or view it as abuse or punishment. I admire fisting bottoms, even envy them a little, for what they can do with their body, and the increased ability they have to receive pleasure from their bodies. To me they are elite athletes, the champions of gay sex. I am going to step on some toes here, but my dislike for chemical “aids” comes in part from this view – if fisting is a sport, then using drugs is cheating. There is nothing sexier to me than a sober fist bottom. And in this context, a good top is there to act more as a coach (and a fan) than an artist – yes, the metaphors are mixing again. I am there to help the athlete achieve his goals, and to encourage him to continue pushing for more growth and development – “bigger, faster, stronger”.

The science: Now for the less sexy parts. Yes, there are things you need to know, technical issues, anatomy, all different kinds of lube, douching, the right kind of toys, and so on and so forth. But compared to many other kinks (think electro, or sounding, or – god forbid – hypnosis), the knowledge barrier is pretty low. Of course some of these apply mostly to the top and some mostly to the bottom, but it won’t hurt you to learn about both sides – even though you don’t plan to practice them. (Don’t ask me about douching, though, I stay away from the subject!)

There is one final element, which is not encompassed by my witty phrase – communication. Whether you see it as an artist-work relation (and I would argue this is in no way a one-sided relationship), or an athlete-trainer relation, or, both, fisting is about what happens between two people. Both parties need to communicate. This is why I cringe when people contact me with fantasies of being fisted while hooded/gagged etc. Yes, that can happen, but it’s best to do that with someone who already knows your body, your limits, and, equally importantly, your turnons. (People took too much about what they don’t like and forget to actually discuss what they do like). Of course communication doesn’t have to be verbal – and this is where top needs to be particularly sensitive to other sources of information. It’s also another reason why I avoid playing with guys on chems, though admittedly not everyone has this problem when high, and not all drugs impair communication.

Well, I think this makes a really good start of explaining what it is I enjoy about fisting, and how I relate to others when engaging in it. I hope you have found it interesting, even if your own relation to the art, the sport and the science differs. Please let me know what you think below!