This post will hopefully be my most “useful” one so far, in that it contains some actual advice on how you can go about getting into the “sport”, as I like to call it. As I mentioned before, I spent many years, from about 22 or 23 to maybe 27, watching fisting videos, fantasising about it, reading about it, and doing pretty much everything except fisting people. There were occasional opportunities but though I seized them I never initiated them, and though they were hot they didn’t make me any more confident. I would definitely not have called myself a fisting top at this time.
My lucky break came through Recon, a website which, if you are reading a fisting blog, is a personals website you probably already know about it. Though I was listed under the fisting category (the website displayed profiles under a single “primary interest” until recently), my profile made it it clear that I was not very experienced. I was living in New York City at the time. (You get much more use out of Recon in the English-speaking world, with the possible exception of Paris. I don’t find it very useful in Berlin). I guess I got very lucky, because I was contacted by a man who recognised my eagerness. I will call him my Pigmalion.
Since I do not have his permission – unfortunately we lost contact when I left New York – I will describe him without too many details. He was a very tall, handsome man in his late 40s, very New York, great taste, and knowledgeable in many ways. He had first gotten into fisting as a top many years before, and had only started bottoming in the last few years. He actually trained himself as a bottom, which I find very impressive – self-fisting is a lot harder than getting fisted, but I will talk about this in another post. Sexually I would say he was kind of bossy even when bottoming, but it worked very well in this context.
Essentially, Pigmalion offered to train me as a fisting top, by acting both as a mentor and as a subject. That had never occurred to me before – I had always thought that I would need to get those roles met by different people. It turned out that finding someone truly versatile was the more elegant solution. My advice, assuming you are only interested in topping, is that this is the easiest and most fun way to get into fisting assuming that:
a) you are capable of taking instruction and are not a selfish asshole (in which case fisting is not for you), and
b) you can find the right versatile trainer/subject.
The advantages are obvious. By knowing both roles, your Pigmalion will be able to guide you through the “ins and outs” (see what I did there?) of the hobby much more fully than a top or bottom. When you are practicing with him he will know not only what you should be doing, but also what you are doing, and how it feels to the bottom – which is, after all, the reason we are doing this in the first place. Because you have agreed to let him guide you, it is likely that he will trust you more than a bottom who knows you are inexperienced. I found that Pigmalion had no problem relaxing with me, from the very beginning.
We met regularly, almost every Wednesday for several months. I spent one of my birthdays (in fact maybe my 30th?) fisting him before going out to a piano bar. We continued to meet a long time after I became confident in presenting myself as a fisting top. I had my first “chariot fisting” experience with him and a very hot Latin friend of his. I learned how to make lube and how to clean it up. I still add clove oil to lube after his advice. (It cuts the smell of Crisco, for one thing). I learned about fisting clubs – though still in theory – and saunas in Montreal, Paris, Amsterdam. Pigmalion was very well traveled! I tried many positions, including my first sling (his own), different types of gloves. He also taught me a lot about safety, hygiene – essentially what I consider the “science” part of fisting. The length of this “relationship” was another aspect that I believe made it an ideal learning experience. Having repeated sessions with someone is great for a bottom who wants to progress, but it is also good for an inexperienced top.
I guess, in some ways, Pigmalion really turned me into the top that he wanted or needed, which is maybe why I identify as a service top and enjoy bossy, greedy bottoms to this day – within limits, don’t get too many ideas. But maybe it was just a good match, and I needed someone to bring that out in me. I remain grateful to him to this day. I would probably still be watching fisting videos and masturbating if he hadn’t read through the hesitation and inhibition in my profile.
To some this up, my advice if you would like to become a great fisting top is: look for a truly versatile guy who knows how to communicate what he wants. You’ll have plenty of time for dirty, greedy power bottoms later, but they won’t be very good teachers. Of course if you are interested in bottoming as well, a truly versatile guy is again going to be your best bet. But one thing I want to make clear is that I have no time for the view that “you cannot be a good top if you don’t bottom”. To me that is analogous to saying you can’t get your dick sucked right if you are not a good cocksucker. The two skills are not related. Being a fisting bottom does not prepare you for being a fisting top because not every bottom is the same, and by extension not the same as you. Being open to that difference is key, and you can start learning that with someone who has experienced it first hand (see what I did there!)
How about you? How did you get into the “art”? And if you are versatile, what came first? I would love to hear your experience, even more so if it is radically different. After all, this is all my personal experience. And one more time, before I sign off, I would like to thank my Pigmalion, for truly changing my sex life. My only regret is that I didn’t meet him until I was almost past my 20s!