Say hello to the four new members of my growing family of toys. I have been meaning to add a gallery of my toy collection as a separate, permanent feature for a while, but I have never gotten around to doing the photoshooting. Well, let us start with something new, and see how that goes. Without further ado, here are my Christmas presents to myself and to Berlin bottoms – and how I chose them!

I mentioned before, that I like to choose toys that help me to achieve things I cannot do with my hands. I would love to own every toy in the world, but since I have limited space to store them, and limited money to spend on them, every toy needs to fill a different niche – or, well, fill it in a different way. My favourite example are anal beads – using them I can create the effect of the closed “fist” exiting repeatedly, three or four times depending on how many balls the bottom can take. This is something impossible to do with your hand.

So what are these new toys four? Let us start with the tall and skinny guy. Now, I generally do not enjoy toys that look too much like realistic penises. I guess the same way that I am not trying to replace my hands, I’m not really trying to replace my dick, either. I avoid skin-coloured toys, and ones with balls. This guy is probably the closest thing to a realistic dick dildo I own now. I call this type a “horse dick” even though I know there are actual horse dick replicas to by. This is why I have named him Sassy – if you follow American politics, you know where I am going with this. The reason I went for this, is that my arms do not do depth very well. I have very thick forearms, great for stretching a hole but tricky for depth play. While I really enjoy using my “snake”, it is much thinner and floppier than Sassy here. Not many will be able to take the full length of him, but he should be a bit easier to handle than the snake, which flops around like a living thing in your lubed-up hands.

Now, the other two boys. These are plugs, which I tend to use during breaks or longer sessions involving other activities, since some boys just need to be kept full all the time. I have been playing with much more experienced/talented bottoms since moving to Berlin from the English countryside, however, and my plugs just have not been up to the task. So I wanted some serious upgrades, but now that these guys arrived I am wondering if I overdid it!

The gentleman on the left I am calling, for now, Fortune, since he looks like what I think a fortune teller’s globe should look like. He’s a fatty. I am guessing this is for the guys who can normally take two fists from smaller tops, but just can’t get there with me. Remember, good quality toys have a lot more give than a hand with bones in it, and you can insert toys that are considerably bigger than a hand more easily than you can fist someone. Now once in its place, I do not expect Fortune to go anywhere in a hurry.

The other boy I am calling the bullet.This is a buttplug as well, but is also a completely straight toy – I find these very useful for opening a guy up, especially guys who are very sensitive about the turning/rotating motion that is to some degree inevitable with fisting. Some guys just close up if they feel too much twisting at the beginning of a session. A good straight toy should help with this. Also because of its rounded head, the bullet should be great to fuck with, as it will open up the sphincter easily. Just get it real sloppy. Finally, with its base, I think it will be great for bottoms who are good at riding a toy on their own. I don’t know about you but I find it really hot to watch a guy squat over a toy and fuck himself with it. If you have not had the pleasure of experiencing this art form, search for any solo video by Ashley Ryder, the Master Jedi of riding gigantic toys – he can do it with his hands tied behind his back.


Finally, something different. I do not own a lot of metal toys. Even though I find them really sexy to look at, the fact that they have no give and that they do not warm up easily makes them unattractive to me. I have always wanted to try a “buttlock” like this one, but I never got to try one. I think they are used more in BDSM context than the “pure” assplay scene. I finally decided to get one and try it for myself, and I have to say, I am not convinced by what arrived. It does not glide open/close as smoothly as I expected it too, and the locking mechanism is located right at the base which when in position might make it difficult to use. I like the weight and feel of it, but I think the mechanical aspect could be improved. I also wish it had a ring of some sort attached to the “handle” so you could attach or tie things to it. I am planning to contact the retailer, or even go there myself since I just found out they are based in Berlin, and see if the mechanism in mine is faulty and other units open and close more smoothly, and, if they are all as “jerky”, perhaps opt for something else instead.

And that brings me to the retailer. If you are in Germany, DildoKing is by far the best place to satisfy your assplay needs. The search features are great, the selection is as comprehensive as I have ever seen it (not just for your butt, either), and if you are in Berlin you can get same-day instant gratification. The prices compare well with other online retailers, and very well with brick and mortar stores. I will write more about them after my experience regarding the aforementioned “lock”.


So, how do you like my new babies? They are just waiting to serve!